A Nice Night In

I've posted before about how D/s is not all about sex and whippings. I stand by that. It's mostly regular life. Lately regular life has been weighing heavily upon us. Playtimes have been few and far between because we're both so exhausted.

We have been talking about setting aside one night a week which is just about us, and our dynamic. A night for play, perhaps, or just for focusing on my submission to him. To reconnect and remember why we started down this path.

This is something I wrote for Himself, posted with his permission. I was trying to express how I hope these evenings will go.

I want to be pushed and tested. I want to be made uncomfortable, to be challenged, to struggle with myself and win. I want you to take me further than we've been before. I want you to demand my submission and make it hard for me.

I want you to hold me accountable. I want you to look back over the week and question me. I want you to scrutinise our interactions and make me account for every mistake. I want you to hold my feet to the fire. I want your praise, but I want to know I've earned it.

I want you to hurt me. I want to feel pain at your hands. I want you to slap, scratch, pinch, whip, pull, shove and beat me. I want to feel pain build up in waves until I feel like I can't take any more, and then fade away only to start over again. I want to beg and scream and cry and still endure more. I want to offer myself up as a sacrifice to you and feel your excitement at your power. I want you to let your sadistic streak free and to delight in my agony. I want to feel the burn that fades into arousal and the warm glow of being owned.

I want to serve you. I want to pamper you, to feed you and bring you drinks. I want to bathe you and lay out your clothes, to make your life beautiful, to respond to your every desire.

I want you to give me orders I don't like. I want you to ignore me and humiliate me. I want to experience discomfort and embarrassment at your command. I want you to make me do things just because you can. I want to be laid bare before you and have you see all of my flaws. I want you to call me names, to stand me exposed and vulnerable, to send me away to wait for you in the dark.

I want to be frightened. I want to fear what you may do to me, or what you may ask of me. I want to know you won't hesitate to command me to do things which scare and disgust me. I want to be off-guard, to wonder what you are thinking. I want to feel real danger at your hands, fire and blood and bruises and tears and your fingers over my mouth controlling my very breath. I want to experiment with you. I want to go to the edges of our sexuality, to play new games together. I want to try everything with you.

I want to be fucked. I want to fuck as though the world in ending. I want to drip with anticipation. I want to shake and tremble underneath your touch and scream your name as I cum. I want to give you all of my body - I want you to take it for your pleasure and use it without regard for me. I want to be held down, bent over, taken. I want to be raw. I want to fulfill every fantasy and then create more with you.

I want to anticipate it. I want to know the day is coming. I want to prepare myself for you carefully, my mind racing with possibilities. I want to worry about what will happen, I want to be excited. I want to look forward and have dark thoughts dancing in my head for days as I wait. I want you to leave me clues and let me wonder.